Cameron from The Sarah Connor Chronicles.:)

Come check out my new community for Crusoe, crusoe_fans! If you haven't watched the show, you really ought to check it out. Philip Winchester is Robinson Crusoe. This man was made to go without a shirt. Sean Bean who I loved as Boromir in The Fellowship of the Ring plays his father James. And Sam Neill from the Jurassic Park movies is also in it.

I'm sitting here writing this and just realized I'm missing Life. And I even saw a preview of the show earlier, I must have had a brain cramp. I just can't get used to it being on Fridays instead of Mondays. My son recorded The Clone Wars so I'll try to watch that tomorrow. I get a kick out of the clones and I'm still amazed that new life has been breathed into this series.

I actually had a day off from work today. Of course, I spent most of it coughing and sneezing and now that's stopped but I can't breathe. Can't you damage the inside of your nose from too much nose spray? I'll certainly find out.

We had an out of town football game to attend and just got back. Our team lost. AGAIN. They've had no wins so far and the boys look so discouraged. And it turned COLD before it was over with and I hadn't even brought a jacket. A friend huddled up next to me but my teeth were stuill chattering.

I taped my shows while I was gone, just the ones on NBC cause something's wrong with the VCR and it won't switch channels anymore. But I should have Crusoe and Life to watch tomorrow.:)

Title: Only In His Dreams
Author: deans_amulet
Fandom: Journeyman
Rating: Rated G
Characters: Dan Vasser, Katie Vasser
Word Count: 500
Disclaimers: I do not own or profit from Journeyman or it’s characters; this is a work of fanfiction.
Summary: Dan Vasser dreams of his past love.

( Only In His Dreams... )

According to my calendar it's a full moon.

Bad Moon Rising
By Creedence Clearwater Revival

I see the bad moon arising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see earthquakes and lightnin'.
I see bad times today.

Don't go around tonight,
Well, it's bound to take your life,
There's a bad moon on the rise.

I hear hurricanes ablowing.
I know the end is coming soon.
I fear rivers overflowing.
I hear the voice of rage and ruin.

Don't go around tonight,
Well, it's bound to take your life,
There's a bad moon on the rise.
All right!

Hope you got your things together.
Hope you are quite prepared to die.
Looks like we're in for nasty weather.
One eye is taken for an eye.

Don't go around tonight,
Well, it's bound to take your life,
There's a bad moon on the rise.

Don't go around tonight,
Well, it's bound to take your life,
There's a bad moon on the rise.

Today will go down in my own personal history book as one of the not so good ones. The part is over and it will be a very long time before I'll even want to see another piece of cake again. The birthday girl was...upset. Not with us, I think the party itself made her happy, but she'd had an argument with someone the night before and was still miserable about it. She smiled at everybody but looked like she wanted to cry instead and kept looking around for someone...he's an ass for ruining her party...who of course never showed. But what do you do, a hundred dollar melting pink nightmare of a cake, yard full of guests...tell everybody to go home? And apparently we got our wires crossed because nobody could find where the plates and forks were hidden. Hell, maybe the damn dogs ate them.

But it's over with. She knows we care, she liked her gifts, at least she wasn't alone and miserable...she was with us and miserable. Me and my migraine and sunburned face are going to bed and hopefully all this will be a blurry memory tomorrow.

Well, I fought everyone off the TV to watch Supernatural but it wasn't one of my favorite shows. Mr. Critical/Jealous/AKA Hubby unfortunately watched it with me. That's always good for spoiling the mood.

I ran around like an idiot all day trying to get things ready for a friend's party that we're having Saturday. She'll be 30 which I remember as the beginning of unexpected changes...overnight wrinkles around the eyes for one...and it's got to be special. I didn't pick out the cake however and I think it's going to look crappy and the price was mind-boggling. And it's outside and the heat over 90 every day, how I let my co-planners talk me into that I'll never know. The whole yard had to be sprayed for ants while birthday girl was at work. Now we have to figure out what to do with the two horses...uh, I mean dogs...that run loose in the yard. Can't have the guests getting their shoes dirty or their legs drooled on.

I went by today to look at my old Journal. I thought I'd feel sad at seeing it, abandoned and unloved. But no, just a strange detachment, like I was looking at someone else's stuff that I wasn't too impressed with. I haven't deleted it, that seems cruel somehow. There's one more story there I need to finish, that'll probably be the only thing ever posted there again, I hate loose ends.

Hey, some Creedence to cheer us up...

Susie Q
By Creedence Clearwater Revival

Oh, Susie Q, oh, Susie Q,
Oh, Susie Q, baby I love you, Susie Q.

I like the way you walk, I like the way you talk;
I like the way you walk, I like the way you talk, Susie Q.

Well, say that you’ll be true, well, say that you’ll be true,
Well, say that you’ll be true, and never leave me blue, Susie Q.

Well, say that you’ll be mine, well, say that you’ll be mine,
Well, say that you’ll be mine, baby all the time, Susie Q.

Oh Susie Q, oh Susie Q,
Oh Susie Q, baby I love you, Susie Q.

I like the way you walk, I like the way you talk,
I like the way you walk, I like the way you talk, Susie Q.

Oh Susie Q, oh Susie Q,
Oh Susie Q, baby I love you, Susie Q.

Not cheerful enough? Hmmmm...

I awoke this morning feeling like shit, mentally and physically. I just don't like where I am in life, in my relationships and work. I didn't really want to go to services this morning either but figured I'd feel even worse later if I didn't so went anyway. Don't exactly feel better about things now but I'm glad I didn't skip again.

I'm listening to Johnny Cash again. And no, he doesn't depress me as someone, my sister maybe, asked me one time. I like his creaky old voice, always did since my grandmother used to listen to him on TV and tell me about all the troubles he had in his personal life. She was a mean old thing but a lot of company when I was a little girl. I miss her more now than I ever thought I would. I need to go put flowers on her grave, I can't remember the last time I went and it's less than 30 minutes from here. I know the flowers are only symbolic, she's not there but she very much believed in honoring someone's memory by keeping the gravesite tidy and keeping nice flowers there. And if there's such a thing as someone who's passed still being aware of what's going on in our world then she'd be highly pissed at me for having faded flowers on her grave.

Solitary Man
By Johnny Cash

Belinda was mine 'til the time that I found her
Holdin' Jim
And lovin' him
Then Sue came along, loved me strong, that's what I thought
But me and Sue,
That died, too.

Don't know that I will but until I can find me
A girl who'll stay and won't play games behind me
I'll be what I am
A solitary man
A solitary man.

I've had it here - being where love's a small word
A part time thing
A paper ring
I know it's been done havin' one girl who loves you
Right or wrong
Weak or strong.

Don't know that I will but until I can find me
A girl who'll stay and won't play games behind me
I'll be what I am
A solitary man
A solitary man.

Neal Diamond also sings this, it's such a haunting song.

Dean: "Oh, like Poltergeist?"
Sam: "It could be a poltergeist."
Dean: "No, no, no. Like the movie, Poltergeist.
Sam has a very confused look on his face.
Dean: "You know nothing of your cultural heritage, do you?"

Poor Sam was so lost in this one. Surely he's seen Poltergeist though on the late show or something. On the road like they are, when they're not on a hunt, they either spend the nights at a bar or watching late-night TV. I know Sam does a lot on the computer but surely he watched movies as a kid.

Tara: "Why would a ghost be afraid of salt?"
McG: "Marty, what do you think?"
Marty: "I'm not married to salt. Are we still sticking with condiments?"
McG: "Mmm, it just sounds different, not better. What else would a ghost be scared of?"
Marty: "Maybe shotguns."
McG: "That makes even less sense than salt."

Ha! I kept expecting one of the boys to say something to this but they didn't.

Ehhh...didn't like the music for this one.

I LOVE Thursdays! No matter what kind of bad things are going on, a little Dean and Sammy can make it feel a lot better.

In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida
By Iron Butterfly

In a gadda da vida, honey
Don't you know that I'm lovin' you
In a gadda da vida, baby
Don't you know that I'll always be true.

Oh, won't you come with me
And take my hand
Oh, won't you come with me
And walk this land
Please take my hand.

In a gadda da vida, honey
Don't you know that I'm lovin' you
In a gadda da vida, baby
Don't you know that I'll always be true.

Oh, won't you come with me
And take my hand
Oh, won't you come with me
And walk this land
Please take my hand.

This is from one of my favorite Supernatural episodes, "Skin", which featured the shapeshifter who made himself look like Dean. Never really noticed the song before, thought it was weird, but it really seemed to fit the story.

I've been listening to the Johnny Cash CD My Mother's Hymn Book. It's really bringing back some memories, some good ones but some that make me wish I could just roll back time to different days.

I have heard of a land on a far away strand
'Tis a beautiful home of the soul
Built by Jesus on high, where we never shall die
Is a land where we'll never grow old.

Never grow old, where we'll never grow old
In a land where we'll never grow old
Never grow old, where we'll never grow old
In a land where we'll never grow old.

In that beautiful home where we'll never more roam
We shall be in that sweet by and by
Happy praise to the King thru eternity ring
Is a land where we never shall die.

Never grow old, where we'll never grow old
Is a land where we'll never grow old
Never grow old, where we'll never grow old
Is a land where we'll never grow old.

When our work here is done and our life's crown is won
And out troubles and trials are o'er
All our sorrow will end and our voices will blend
With the loved ones who've gone on before.

Never grow old, where we'll never grow old
In a land where we'll never grow old
Never grow old, where we'll never grow old
In a land where we'll never grow old.

Never grow old, where we'll never grow old
Is a land where we'll never grow old
Never grow old, where we'll never grow old
Is a land where we'll never grow old.

Reminds me of Sunday services with no air conditioning that seemed to go on forever. Then we'd go home and my mother would cook, fried chicken, rice and gravy. That seemed to take forever too and then you had to hurry and eat so you could get the last bit if you were still hungry before someone else did. Sunday newspapers scattered everywhere. Peaceful, the way it's not now.

Do you ever get up some mornings and wonder what in the hell you've been doing? Happens to me very frequently lately. If I'd chosen this road instead of that one. 15 years ago I was in another state and living another life among new friends and even family. I hit a rough spot and gave it up and returned to where I grew up. Now my mind weaves numerous other detours I could have taken and I wonder how differently my life might have been.

Not that there's nothing good in my life now. There are good things, good people and family. But there are also things I'd have been better off without. Like looking at a record of your life and seeing all these black spots on it and thinking there wouldn't have been so many if you'd just been stronger and made better decisions that you knew you should've made at the time but didn't.

One of my favorite series of books are the Anna Pigeon novels by Nevada Barr. I like to imagine myself being able to do what Anna does. She has family but she's still free to do what she wants. To go where she wants and not have to worry about how it affects other people in her life. She has a job that has taken her all over the country, she likes her job. Sure there are ups and downs for her (not counting the mysteries/murders thrown in by the author to make things more interesting and sellable) but she's master of her own life. I don't often feel that way. I feel like I'm the glue that's holding everybody else together and it's a lonely and desperate feeling. Another one I like is the older lady in Sue Henry's books, travelling around in her RV to wherever she wants. Doesn't that sound wonderful? I wonder if I'll ever have the financial freedom to do that. The way it looks now, I'll be too old to enjoy it when I do.